---
title: "After losing someone, why does it feel like a part of myself is missing?"
type: "question"
group: "Human Questions"
thought: "Zai-Sheng Thought"
language: "en"
canonical: "https://tongzai.space/en/questions/losing-someone/"
---
# After losing someone, why does it feel like a part of myself is missing?

## Direct answer

Because an important relationship is not just "you" and "the other person" added together as two separate objects; it also includes the "between" (jian) that the two of you gave birth to together. When a person leaves, what disappears is not just an external object — the ways of speaking, the expectations, the memories, the place, and the "I" that could only exist within that relationship change along with it. That is why loss can feel like a part of you has been taken away.

## Further explanation

Sheng's "mutual becoming" explains why this pain is real: in the relationship, you each helped complete the other's shape. But it also means that the you after the loss is not permanently fixed in place; the old "between" has changed, and life will keep forming new betweens and new manifestations.

## Core concepts

- Symbiosis
- Jian / The Between
- Born New

## Primary sources

Sheng, Chapter 5, §1 Symbiosis; Chapter 4, §2 Born New

## Conclusions that must not be drawn

Do not use philosophical language to demand that a grieving person "just let go quickly," and do not promise that loss will necessarily bring growth.

## Citation

Wenzi｜Zai / Sheng｜chapter/section｜Tongzai Space｜canonical URL